Embrace the unknown

Please put this on, he said smiling. And these, he handed me some goggles. And these too. He smiled at me, as he gave me a pair of gloves. Gloves? Yes it can be rather cold up there, you’ll see. We all got in the tiny little plane. 3 first-timers and 3 instructors. As I sat inside, what seemed to be the smallest plane in the world, so small it was not possible to sit upright, I didn’t know what to expect. Would I be able to remember, what the instructor had told me? And then, just as the engine was turned on, a man came running towards the plane. Nope, sorry guys you can’t go now as the wind has changed. We will have to reschedule for first thing in the morning – weather permitting!

And you know, this guy’s job is doing this, this and that. And he can also be a bit cranky, so sometimes you just have to, you know, just smile. And then we have this guy, he makes these things, and he is really nice and helpful. As I stood in the queue at the bakery (yes I love cakes!), I couldn’t help overhearing their conversation. There were a lot of costumers and somehow she felt the need to let her new colleague in on her perspective on other members of the staff, whilst serving.

As I left the bakery I couldn’t help thinking about perspectives. Perceptions. Understandings. Believes. How do we get to the believes that we have? What affects us the most? Is it what other people tells us? Can we end up not feeling or seeing things through our own eyes, because we get caught up in other peoples perception on things, that we adopt them to be our own? Having just been to another mandatory meeting (due to my lack-of-a-job-situation), I was faced with a lot of different questions. The questions were obviously given to get me to reflect on things. Could you see yourself working in that kind of place? Doing these kind of tasks? Projects? What is most important to you? What can you offer a future employer?

Friday I heard a song on the radio (yes, I drive a lot). It took me back to a(nother) travel story. This time in New Zealand. Overwhelmed with emotions, I didn’t want to pay attention to it. But as of today, the story kept surfacing in my thoughts. And if something keeps popping up in my thoughts, I know (now), that I need to pay attention. I got to think about, what it really is, that I want to do? Yes, I want to tell stories, but why? And more importantly how? Why did I find it so interesting? Is it because I want to give people the opportunity to reflect on things? Their own lives? Through other people’s stories? Through my stories? Challenge people’s perspective on things? Give them an opportunity to view and embrace things from a different perspective?

As I tried to answer all the questions, at today’s meeting, I came to the conclusion, that maybe I don’t know what my next step should be. I don’t know how to bounce back- apart from keep writing. Maybe that’s enough for now? Is that the message for today? I left the parking space, (of which I didn’t even have to ask this time. Don’t worry, there’s a space for you) when I noticed, that the car in front of me had number 11 on it.

But what did the travel story mean (to me now)? What was my perception on what had happened? I had set myself up for, what seemed to be a dead serious thing to do, which would probably change my perception on things forever. It would be a thing, I would always remember (if I survived, that is) , and now it was not going to happen? Like I in a way had felt about doing the interview and telling the story. It was almost an all or nothing event for me, and I didn’t get to finish it (in a good way). The feeling of waiting inside the plane, all dressed up and ready to go, and then… nothing.

Keep going. Yes, will do. The next day the wind had dropped. The sun was out and not a cloud in sight. This time I made it all the way up – 4 km. (about 13000 feet) and all the way back down. I even landed on my feet. Literally. Is that my message for today? That it’s possible for me to land on my feet even after what felt like an extreme case of overwhelming set back, that had left me feeling (even more) lost and (heart) broken? Having lost track of time, I went to check on today’s laundry. The machine kindly showed me, that it would be ready in 1:11.

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