The power of feeling safe

Yesterday as I was driving home, from seeing a friend, the strangest thing happened to me. I saw something, sensed something. And then I got goosebumps all over.

I once got on the wrong night bus, on my way home. I had been out with some coworkers, but somehow I got on the wrong bus and by the time I became aware of it, I had no idea where I was. This was back in the days before internet and mobiles, so I couldn’t just check where I was and how I could get home. I got of the bus and realised that I had no idea on how to get home and that I also really needed to go to the bathroom.

Continue reading “The power of feeling safe”

What makes you blossom?

Oh, come on, everyone knows that you are in charge of the South Point Bar and Phil is in charge of the main bar. I looked at him. Was that really the way people looked at it? I was very surprised and didn’t know how to react to that comment, so I just smiled, I guess? Truth is I don’t remember much more, than just that comment, not even the conversation prior to that, only the fact that I was very surprised. After all it is almost 22 years ago. Continue reading “What makes you blossom?”


She tapped me on my shoulder from behind. I jumped. I was walking, almost running, in my own world. With music in my ears and late for work. I turned. I have never seen this woman before, but before I had a chance to turn off my Walkman, so I was able to hear what she was saying, she stuck the £5 note in my hand and walk passed me.

As I put the strawberries next to the bread, I had just taken out of the oven, I started to take pictures. From every angel. Bread first, strawberries first. I turned the breadboard. Removed things from the background, turned the light on and off. More pictures. I just couldn’t get it right. And at the same time my mind raising like mad trying to figure out the connection bread-strawberry and why this 21 year old story kept popping up in my head today. I knew I had to find the link, but how? Continue reading “M(E; B)AKING”

You can not hide from what’s inside

Yesterday I reversed my car all the way up to the front door of my house. For the three years, I have been living here, I have never done that before. I have always driven straight up the drive. Why? Perhaps I thought, it wasn’t possible, as it’s a long narrow drive and it may seem unrealistic, although I drive my tiny mommy-car? I don’t know why, I all of a sudden decided to do it yesterday, but it definitely got me thinking. How do I start this? I mean it’s been 26 (!) days since my last post? I wonder if there’s a book, that can help me get started? And as I stood in front of the book case, there was no doubt in my mind. As I held the book in my hands I tried to pay attention, what page could help me out? Nothing came to mind. For a moment I felt down. Frustrated. Was I setting myself up for failure (is that even possible?). Anyway, as I walked back to my laptop and put the book down next to it, it suddenly hit me what message, I needed to pay attention to. Or so I thought. Continue reading “You can not hide from what’s inside”

ODE to my intuition

“Well I quite my job and now the world is wide open to me”. “So you don’t have a plan or a new job?” “Nope, but I have worked at the same place for about four years now, so I’m sure I’ll find something interesting”. “And what about you?” He looked at her. “So why did you decide to become self-employed? “Was it because you wanted more flexibility?” “Yes, of course. Now I can decide everything myself. My time.” I couldn’t help listening to their conversation, as they were sitting opposite me at the same table at a workshop last night. I have never met them before, but strangely enough I felt like the message was for me… Continue reading “ODE to my intuition”

Back towards chest(nut)

A couple of days ago I heard the sentence “my gut feeling is telling me” at least 10 times. Within an hour. All in one TV program. From different people, who didn’t know each other. My gut feeling is telling me to do this, go there, stop seeing this person, finding another place to live. It was the answer to everything and definitely the most effective one, as it put an end to all further discussions or arguments in the program. It was indeed the final and ultimate showstopper. End of discussion. End of conversation. Continue reading “Back towards chest(nut)”

Where do you go for answers?

I put another film in the VCR. The curtains where drawn blocking out all lights. For the next three days nothing was planned. No sightseeing, restaurants, meeting new people. Out side, was the most beautiful sights. Amazing mountains and wildlife. A completely different country and culture, yet with a familiar language, that I had build a very special connection with, despite not being my native. I felt a bit foolish to be on the other side of the world (literally), and then blocking it all out for a few days. Continue reading “Where do you go for answers?”