You can not write anything this evening. You are too tired. You have spent the whole day looking after your youngest child, because she was not feeling well. And you have lots of things you have to do. Washing up. Laundry. Clearing up. I could feel, that my ego was very persistent. And then I realised that it’s the 11th today. I had to write!
As I started thinking, what to write about, wait let me rephrase that, as I started tuning in on what to write about, I had an idea, that I could write about, how difficult it can be to pay attention or “receive” ones messages, let alone act on them. It had been another night of NES (never enough sleep), due to the reason mentioned above. Maybe it would make sense to start writing about, how sometimes one can find it difficult to (re)connect with ones intuition, due to pure exhaustion.
A while back I thought about intuition as something, that only comes to you when you sit still and meditate (for ages), just listening. No talking. Although I sometimes do that. Sit still and meditate without talking. I have discovered, that it’s possible just to ask about, what I should do in whatever the situation may be regarding. The real trick is not to hear the answer, it’s about not overhearing it, because your ego-brain might try to trick you in believing something else (that wasn’t even remotely close to, what you heard in the first place).
Earlier today I had looked out of the window and noticed, that part of the hedge seemed to have formed in to a big heart. After putting the children to bed, I wanted to go outside in the garden, and take the picture of the “heart”. As I walked out there, I was thinking about what a heart means. Love, right? I had spend the whole day alone with my youngest daughter, and when we sat down to have lunch, she looked at me in a way, I haven’t seen before. And then she smiled and instantly made my heart jump. Was that the story of today? The importance of love?
I decided on today’s subject, but when I got outside, I could no longer see the heart, as I had seen it from the window. How could it just disappear? Not wanting to give up on the 11th of the month, I simply asked: OK, what is it you want to show me? You got me out here in the garden, what is it, please?
Instead of looking down at the hedge, I found myself looking up at the sky. What was that? An angel? A butterfly? Having decided on the butterfly, I went back inside thinking, well my oldest daughter had mentioned earlier today, that she wanted a butterfly cake for her upcoming birthday. Maybe you need to just have a look at the bookcase in the lounge, before you sit down in front of the computer? Really? Just run your eyes through the books. You will know, when it’s time to stop. I started looking. One book at the time. I came across a book called “Becoming” and for a moment I thought, that’s my connection to the butterfly, because it also becomes something else, than what it starts out to be – it transforms. And the author had just visited the country, were I live (Denmark). A no-brainer then, the ego said. But something was just not right.
For some reason my eyes kept moving on. And then I knew it. A tiny book caught my attention and for a moment I stopped breathing and got “that feeling” in my stomach. I just knew. OK what page then? I opened the book. It didn’t have any numbers on the pages! Yesterday it was no words, today no numbers. The book is a “diary” with 365 affirmations – on per day of the year. So it had to be the 11th of April, surely? As I read it, I instantly knew why the “heart” in the hedge was no longer visible for me: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” (Wayne Dyer).
I couldn’t help wandering, that I could still tune in, “receive” messages, signs on what to write about, despite NES. There is no such thing as being too tired for me, too heart broken, too sad and wanting to give up. If I pay attention, I will get the answers. Realising the power of change, my intuition has proven to be even more powerful, than I thought at first. So powerful it has just managed to change the way I look at it – transforming.