Weekly update – 1/5

So here we are so soon. My first week of my 5 week challenge on how to find my silver lining – inner peace is coming to an end (I have decided to have ‘my weeks’ run from Monday – Fridays, as the weekends are ment for being with my family). So what has the week been like?

MONDAY I sat up this blog and wrote my first post.

  • It did give me some sort of a happy/uplifting feeling as I have been thinking about doing it for a while, and now I was finally creating something (rather than just sitting and doing nothing about it). But then came the thoughts, will anyone ever read it and find it interesting? Why couldn’t I just be content on having set it up and started writing? Is it just a question of always wanting more or is it simply just a sign of being insecure?

TUESDAY my plan was to get some rest, as I felt exhausted (I still do. I’ll get back to that in a minute).

  • I thought I could just go to bed and sleep for an hour before I was going to pick up the children. And after woods I would wake up feeling rested and ready for playing, making dinner, tidying up, laundry etc. Who was I kidding? First of all I need a lot more rest/sleep and second of all my head is still exploding with thoughts. I felt restless and I found myself constantly looking at the phone without really doing anything and before I know it, it was time to go and pick them up.

WEDNEYSDAY I was writing about finding the answers and my connections to spirituality. And I attended a yoga class 🙂

  • It did give me a sense of being part of a higher something (not sure how and what to call it), but it also made me somehow worrying about the future. What if I forget about asking about the right things? Will I then not be able to hear the directions and answers I need to follow? Can you miss your fate if you don’t pay enough attention? I found myself panicking about not being able of figuring it all out. Where will this take me?

THURSDAY my thoughts were occupied with my past – my ancestors’ destiny.

  • I found a special connection to my ancestors who’s destiny I couldn’t seem to shake off. Their story will always stay with me and I feel dedicated to break free from all the guilt and shame that has been in the family for generations.

FRIDAY

  • After I dropped my children off at their daycare I came home and sat on the sofa…for hours. Doing nothing (well I watched a bit on TV and looked at my phone, so nothing :-)) I felt bad for sitting there when I could have done a lot of domestic chores or other meaningful things, but I’m tired as in really tired. Or am I still so stressed that I can’t calm down (and feel good about relaxing). Am I not listening to my body? I fell asleep during the yoga class on Thursday…

This made me think about that perhaps sometimes it’s better to listen than asking questions.