Today I met up with a friend for brunch whom I’ve haven’t seen for a while. It was so great to see her and get updated on each others lives. We were talking about our children and our job situation (or in my case lack of job). Any way, as I drove home I couldn’t help thinking about time (the obvious being that we don’t see each other very often, but also time as in constantly planning on where and what to do. If there’s no time like the present – why is it so hard to stay present?
As we were talking about her job and my sort of in between jobs I couldn’t help thinking that we both seemed to be so occupied with the future. Why is it so hard to be present and just enjoy life right here right now? Why do we feel like we need to always be two steps ahead? Is that why we get stressed out sometimes or is it simply because we as humans have that strong urge inside to always do better and do more? As I was telling her about my blog and my 25 day challenge (which I haven’t really told that many people about – yet!), I realised that I was very much stuck in that way of thinking myself.
Last night I couldn’t fall asleep (and when I finally did I was woken up by my oldest daughter who wanted her mommy, all together that meant not much sleep). The reason for my tossing and turning was the inevitable question that I constantly ask myself (and more or less get asked on a regularly basis by people around me, ever since I told them I quite my job back in september last year): what do you want to do (meaning what are you going to do now that you don’t have a job or even the slightest idea on what you want to work towards…). And when I found myself answering: I simply have no idea, I not only start worrying and trip over my own words, I also feel that somehow that is not an acceptable respond. Not because people say anything bad about it (at least not to my face 😉 ), but in a way I feel that it is not an ok answer and at the same time I wish that I could just own up to it and say, hey I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life (work wise that is), and I don’t know what is going to happen when the 25 day challenge is over, but I do know this: I want to practice being just here right now, this moment. Just now feeling exited about writing this today. Present.