Rather than a plan, a basis was laid down from which more detailed planning could take its source, e.g. finally deciding on the climbing party; planning and developing the oxygen supplies and apparatus; ordering the rations, the tents, the mountaineering gear and a multitude of other items… Once this planning basis had been laid down, and with the party selected, the machinery of mounting the expedition, which was already well run-in, could be turned on to full speed ahead. Of these preparations I shall tell in the next chapter.
After another night of NES (not enough sleep), due to over thinking about my first upcoming interview and feeling the pain in my leg, needless to say I am feeling beyond tired right now. Before I even had the chance to ask for help or try to tune in on what to write about today, my eyes “locked” on a book (I swear it is true, and I am pleased to have found a fellow person somewhere out in the world, who seems to get her messages the same way. So happy I’m not the only one 😉 ). Anyway, this book I found myself looking at, is not even my own. It’s my husband’s. I don’t remember ever seeing it.
I read page 33 which is what came to me, when I tried to second guess what a book about climbing Mount Everest in the 1950’s has to do with my currant situation. I guess I sometimes feel like I have to climb a mountain in order to get to where I need to be, but come on, isn’t it a little bit “over the edge” (sticking to mountaineering language 🙂 ) What was the message? That the author of the book, the mountain climber and I both had a strong feeling of being adventurous? Taking chances? Pursuing our dreams? Not wanting to plan too much, but still have the basis laid down? And wanting to tell more in the next chapter?
I looked at a drawing that I had done on Sunday last week (which is today’s picture, but I had to draw it again, as I had written other stuff on it. In Danish, so didn’t think I could post that 🙂 ). Having already decided not to do another academic interview, I had asked for guidance in what to be sure to include in the upcoming interview. How would I do this? I kept getting shown 3 subjects (of which I cannot reveal today – that would be giving it all away 🙂 ). It made me do the drawing. 1,2,3 ask. One picture. 1,2,3 write down what moved you the most in the interview. 1,2,3 tell the story. Sounds simple right?
I looked at my phone (again!) The first word I saw was fear. That describes it pretty good. I am terrified – what if I can’t make this work? What is my backup plan? I don’t have one. Just like the mountain climber. There might be several ways to climb the mountain, but there’s no backup plan if you want to reach the top.
Look at the page again, you need to include this, the voice said. Having tried to overhear it, although it was the first thing on my mind, when I first read the page, I suddenly felt the need to include something more from page 33. It was not just about overcoming and planning how to climb a mountain, whilst trying to keep yourself safe and secure. Having enough oxygen. Having enough food. The right equipment. It was also about a timeframe. And then I finally understood the real connection of page 33.
How do you feel? I was smiling. Eyes closed. I felt like I had achieved something. I was living a dream. My children were playing on the beach. The sun was shining. I felt great. Carefree. I had last month, on a big piece of paper on the floor, which was made into 4 squares “pretended to move myself” from my currant situation to the next step in my life. How much time has passed? She asked me. 8 months, I replied.
The mountain climber was writing in October about his upcoming attempt to climb the mountain in May/June the following year. 8 months. Now the only thing I can think about is, will it take 8 months as from last month, 8 months from now or will it be in May/June that I start feeling like I have achieved something? Feeling carefree? My children playing on the beach? May/June was my first thought. No further questions. I have a story to prepare for.