Under pressure

The blood started to run. Faster and faster. Like something had burst. Did I hear a sound? The color more and more profound. Red was getting redder. It started to drip down on the floor. Like a sink overflowing. Drip, drip. Red,red. I grabbed a towel and held a firm pressure. I needed to lie down.

Yesterday I didn’t post anything (and because of that, I felt under pressure. I had made a deal with myself to post everyday – Monday to Friday and have done since the 4th of February 2019, and now I couldn’t live up to it). For several hours (more likely half the day) I was in a morphine-fog. And when it started to wear off, the pain (and blood) took over. On my left leg was a giant bandage (still is). It was tight. So tight I couldn’t bend my leg (still can’t), which made sitting on a normal chair almost unbearable and walking around a real challenge (still is). The reason is, that I had the varicose veins removed on my leg (yes I’m getting old.com – or is it just what sometimes happen when you go through pregnancies?).

“Keeping still is probably the worst thing you can do. Try to walk around as much, as you can without it hurting to much. It’s important that the blood gets back to it’s natural way of flowing as quickly as possible. In order to do that, you need to move around”, the nurse told me on the phone early this morning. “The blood can start running at times, a lot can come out, it can look serious, but it’s nothing to worry about. The reason is, that when under an uneven pressure, it’s like a balloon that can burst”.

“You need some music, remember how it inspires and help you?” I looked at my phone. The song “Under pressure” was the first one that came up. So that was two times under pressure, surely there would be another? (Yes, I’m getting quite used to the 1,2,3 🙂 ). And what picture will go with today’s story, that seems to be “under pressure”? “Go outside in the garden. You can do it. Go to the chestnut tree”. Ok, I’m here now. Then what? “look up”, the voice said. “The buds are about to burst. They are under pressure, but they know it’s only for a short time.”

As I walked, wait let me rephrase that, as I stumbled back to the sofa I couldn’t help of thinking about being under pressure. I do feel I’m under pressure. Under pressure to find a job. To find a way to make my dream come true. To support my family. To heal my leg (so I can run around after my children, and not putting all the pressure on my husband 🙂 ).

The chestnut tree knows exactly when to burst its buds. It waits for the right time a year, the right temperature, the right moment. Instinctively it knows. It got me thinking if I could do the same thing? I mean it might sound a bit silly, but when do you know, when the right time has come? How do you know, when you need to wait or just burst out your ideas? Will it just happen naturally?

I can’t help wandering if all the ideas in my head are just waiting to come out at the right time, or am I simply putting too much pressure on myself for them to open up, that they don’t know which one to unfold first? Can I stay under pressure, if I know it’s only for a short time? If keeping still is the worse thing, I can do (with my leg), could that also be the case with my thoughts on creating something (new)? If so would staying in motion mean, that they will be flowing more naturally? And if so, what am I waiting for?

“Even if you don’t know, I’ll be on your side”, the music answered.

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