I have forgotten to appreciate the small things, the big things and this thing we call life.
In these past 4 weeks, were I have been cooped up inside (and outside in the garden), isolated from everything and everyone (apart from my husband and two young girls). I have not been anywhere, no supermarket or shop in 4 weeks, due to Coronavirus.
I have been focusing on all the things that this Coronavirus-situation was limiting me from doing. I felt ill and lost for energy (I have not been tested, due to mild symptoms, but I know that I had it as I have never felt like that before…) I felt robbed of my time, my business (life), my social life. I was furious and feeling sad and upset when I saw the news and when I listened to my own sad I-am-a-victim-storytelling-song that seemed to go around in my head like a non stop playlist.
I have been screaming and crying and yelling. I have been so frustrated that all my plans had be changed – it wasn’t fair! I have been looking at my bank account and thought how will I possible get through this crisis?
Caught up in my own frustrations and anger towards a global situation, of which I have absolutely no control over, left me bitter and at times so sad and scared for the future for my children.
I have felt like a prisoner in my own home. Punished for no reason.
All this miserable way of thinking has pushed all signs of hope and happiness aside. Gone. So far aside that I went into a haze of strictly surviving-mode. I put all my, whatever left of it, energy into this negative way of thinking, hopelessness and victimizing. I turned to practical things such as organising click and collect-supermarket shopping and meal planning. It gave me a sense of being able to at least do something, when I felt so limited with everything else in life.
I haven’t written a single blog post in English since September 2019, so why now? Well I could start my analysis by stating the fact, that my only source of adult presence speaks English (my husband), and when I don’t speak so much Danish (other than to my children) I start to think and dream in English and therefore it becomes natural for me to express myself in English. I could also argue that it’s because this Coronavirus-situation is global which makes English an obvious choice of language of communication. But I have decided not to go with any of the above…
And where does that leave me in all of this?
Is this “just” a matter of a lesson in life to appreciate what you have? That my children have grown close and now play (most of the time) really well together, considering that they are just 2 and 4 years only? That my youngest’s language skills have developed tremendously in these past 4 weeks, that every day she amaze me? That I’m lucky to have a roof over my head and food on the table? That the sun has been shining nearly non stop since the lock down started? To have love in my life and that we’re safe and healthy?
Well yes I have completely forgotten to appreciate all the above and on top of all that I have learned (practicing every day 🙂 ) to ACCEPT things.
I have decided to ACCEPT that it is what it is. I have decided to ACCEPT that sometimes my mind works best using the English Language. And when I do decide to give in and write in English (at least this time) it’s to remind myself, that although I might feel limited right now, at least my way of expressing my thoughts is not. My mind and creativity can not be broken by this situation. Not now not ever.
Perhaps acceptance is the way to find your Silver Lining? Perhaps it’s a way of changing your focus and thereby your (level of) energy to look at life in a way that it will find a way to smile back at you?