Will I – I will – day 8

Will I ever get there and? I looked at the headline, I had just written down for today’s post. What should I add after and? And there was just something about that sentence I didn’t like. Somehow it triggered something inside me – but what?

It felt mostly like anger, like when people tell you, that you can’t do this or that, that you’re no good at this or that or (my personal favorite) Do you really think you’ll be able to do that? I mean it could possible be too difficult or too hard for you. I don’t think that’s such a good idea for you. I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt and upset again. And I wouldn’t want to sit opposite you in 6 months time and you still haven’t gotten anywhere!

I could feel the anger rising up. All these years when all kinds of people had told me, what I could or could not do. What I should or especially shouldn’t do. That I didn’t need to bother to go to High School (Gymnasiet), as I would probably not make it. Seeing the chock on my old teacher’s face at a reunion that I was studying at university. Why do you need to move to London? You don’t know anyone there and you don’t have a job. It might be too difficult for you. Couldn’t you go travelling for less time, perhaps just a couple of weeks within the borders of Europe? I mean there’s no need to travel to the other side of the world, is there? What if something happens?

I put the T-shirt on. I had bought it on last year’s holiday to Italy. As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to have it. Maybe I subconsciously needed to be reminded about it’s message. I had just quite my job and I was entering uncertainty. I had closed the door to a 9-5-safe-job. But it’s not just what the message resembles that’s important to me. It’s also it’s imperfection way (of misspelling) to get it’s message across, that caught my eye because I somehow can relate. I took several pictures. But only one really spoke to me.

It’s shaken and imperfect – a bit like me. I have been shaking to the core (more than once and on several levels), but I am still here and I will not let anyone tell me what I can or cannot do. Will I – I will (you see that? the intuition said. I I = 11).

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