As I sat down in front of my computer today, I knew I wanted to include this beautiful picture (if you don’t mind me saying so 🙂 ) in today’s post. I wasn’t quite sure why or how, but I was determined to “make it work”, as I couldn’t stop looking or thinking about it ever since I took it Saturday during a walk in the forest.
Before I knew it, I found myself typing the story right from the beginning leading up to the exact moment, when I actually took this picture. “The sun was shinning and it almost felt like spring (which always cheer me up. I’m not a big fan of the cold, dark and grey weather). The girls were enjoying picking up little stones, fur cones, sticks and things like that. They put it all in their bucket and I found myself standing there just watching them playing – being children. I couldn’t help of wandering about the paradox that the children teaches us to be present (they have needs that can’t be postponed. If they want something to eat it has to be now, want to play a certain game it has to be now, go to the toilet – now!), while I’m constantly teaching them to wait by saying, “please wait a moment…”, “I’ll be right there…” (accept the toilet-situations of coarse 😉 ).
Then I became critical of what I had just written. Would it work? Was it really the message I wanted (or perhaps needed) to give? In the end I gave up and starting searching on the internet for possible job carrier opportunities (what? seriously?) Hadn’t I just made it very clear last week, that if everything would be unfolded at the right time, like those yellow flowers, why was I putting myself in that situation? Why was I searching for something that I didn’t put my heart in? Had I (already) given up on my inner voice? Where was it? Could I no longer hear it. Doubt. despair.
I found myself even more lost, than when I first started writing today. I somehow knew, that the picture was right for today, but I couldn’t really get to the point where it became clear to me. What to do? I looked closer. One of the reasons why, I couldn’t help looking at the picture was, that I couldn’t quite work out what it shows. Is it an angel or a heart? (Or is it simply just a picture of the sky with some clouds and trees? Of coarse I don’t believe that 🙂 )
The thing is, when I took the picture, I was aiming for a different motive. A big bird of prey was circling in the sky (you can actually see it, it is a tiny little dark spot at the bottom of the picture. Really what was I thinking, taking a picture of a bird, that obviously was so far up in the sky? Impossible to capture) I stood there. I was somehow captivated. I felt a strong urge to take a picture. For some reason I didn’t immediately look at it, which I almost always do, but I had to get back to my husband and girls (I had simply gone back to pick up something we had lost a long the way).
When I finally looked at it, my first thought was, it’s an angel. Makes sense, my ego thought, you did happen to open a book about angels last week… But what did the bird mean? I couldn’t help wondering, if I am too occupied with trying to read into everything (symbols) or is the picture trying to tell me something about angels? What am I missing?
Then I came to think about this event (about spirituality), I had seen on the internet last week. It is in a city near me and it is taking place tonight. I wasn’t sure, if I should attend, but I somehow found myself back on the website. And then I got my answer (finally, right? What a build up – again! 😉 ). At the home page was a picture of a giant bird of prey and the woman, who is hosting the event’s, name. Her name is Angel. No more panicking – I have found the answer, at least for today 🙂